How to get out of feeling like you’re waiting for life to start… and actually make it start
I felt for a long time like I was waiting for life to properly begin. It was a slightly bizarre experience because on paper everything was great, I had the job, I had the flat, I had the trips, I had the friends – it was all good. But somehow, I couldn’t quite shake this feeling that I was stuck waiting for something to happen and THEN life would begin.
It was only when I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who turned around to me and said… ‘Lucy, if you don’t change something, you’re going to blink and be 40 and in the same position’ that the penny dropped.
Pretty much since leaving university I had felt as if life was just on the other side of xyz achievement. Once I do x, I will then feel like life has started. Once I get y, it’ll all begin. But each time I got those things, it still felt like it hadn’t properly started. I still had this strange sensation that I couldn’t shake that something wasn’t quite right and that I was waiting for something.
That feeling is fricking awful, because if you’re anything like me, you end up with a strange hybrid of guilt for feeling it (because everything you have is great) and also terror (because you recognise that time is ticking on and you still don’t feel like you’re living).
My two cents worth on the topic is that the reason we feel this way is underpinned by two different things:
- We are fed, basically from birth, a very clear narrative of what life is meant to look like. Complete steps a-z and you will have completed life as was laid out to you by the powers that be, congratulations. So if, at any point, it feels like we aren’t really on that well trodden path of job, house, partner, marriage, kids, we’re starting to live a life which is ‘off plan’ and we actually have to create for ourselves rather than following the life equivalent of google maps.
- Because we are avoiding ourselves. What I mean by this is that we are constantly looking forward rather than being where we are right now because being where we are right now is kind of a bit painful and would mean we actually face the reality of how we feel and the life we are currently living. It’s easier to project it all forward and imagine some imaginary perfect life rather than face the reality of the present experience and do the actual work to make real change
Living a life which is ‘off plan’ is NOT easy , nor is facing up to the reality of how you actually feel right now. But the thing is, if you don’t, you’ll most likely continue to be in this space of waiting room life for a long time.
The first steps to start to unpick the lock of the waiting room you’re currently stuck in is to really start to take stock of where you are in your life. What is good? What is not so good? How do you feel? What is keeping you from taking steps out of your comfort zone? What are you avoiding admitting to yourself? What, in an ideal world, would you change?
Once you’re clear on where you’re at currently, then it’s a case of starting to imagine what YOUR version of an ideal ‘off plan’ life would be. What would you do if you could do anything? What would you do if you had no fear? What would you do if you knew that life would always support you?
You might notice some fear/excitement come up when you’re doing this – this is GOOD. If you feel fear, ask yourself what that fear is really about. Is it about failing? Is it about being judged? Is it about thinking you’ll end up alone? What is it, really, and… is it true? Do you have proof for it?
The more we can spend time really getting clear on where we are at right now AND where we want to be, the easier it becomes to consciously CREATE our life, rather than just allow ourselves to get swept up in the undercurrents of societally accepted ‘normal’ ways of living life.
THERE ARE NO RULES.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing this work with people, diving into the depths of what is holding you back, clearing it out and helping you to get clear on where you’re going. It’s magic.
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